What the Haiku! – The Complete Collection

Hey everyone,

As you may or may not know, back in January I completed my ‘What the Haiku’ challenge of doing a Twin Peaks related haiku every day for a year and putting them on YouTube. Well, I’ve brought them out of the notes section of my phone (in case I sit in a paddling pool with my phone like I did with the last one) and put them all together here for you to see. They aren’t organised in any way, shape or form, but they’re all here.

This ties in quite nicely with the lovely article that Welcome to Twin Peaks did about the project. You can read it here.


Inspiration came from just about every piece of Twin Peaks material there is. Season 1, Season 2, The Return, Laura’s Secret Diary, Cooper’s Tapes, the Access Guide, Deleted Scenes, Missing Pieces, Fire Walk With Me. Just about everything was visited at some point. All the videos are on YouTube. Just pick a date and type “What the Haiku 11th July” or whatever into the search bar and up it should pop.

I did them everywhere from my local park in Twickenham to the Mediterranean Sea. No matter what was going on, there was a haiku. OFSTED inspections, holidays, births, you name it. There’s even a special guest appearance in there somewhere from Dana Ashbrook, who was kind enough to appear in one of them. Sometimes I did them last thing at night when all I really wanted to do was go to sleep; others I spent hours on, adding special effects and learning how to speak backwards. There’s even one about Jean Renault which I did in French.

Anyway, here they all are. Scroll down and pick a random one. There are some links at the bottom to my other Twin Peaks poetry. If you make it that far, I’d love it if you read a few of those.

I’m so grateful to all the people who worked on making this incredible show. It’s been a source of joy and inspiration to me since I was 14 years old. This, I suppose, was my way of celebrating that.

Shelley, oh Shelley,

Captivating in azure,

Coffee, por favor

The dreamer dreams on

Unaware of switching time

Poured into new moulds.

Alert my attorney,

Munch on a raw carrot stick

Slip into old ways

Glowing, golden orb,

Conception of a goddess

Delivering hope


Tiny dancer in crimson

Here you will evolve

Foaming water fall

Woods and spirits call on you

And fear can take all.

A beauty queen lost

Gone from her coronation

Are you fine, Annie?

Riding his Harley

James kills the headlights and goes!

Not round corners, though

Oh Ed, you big lug,

In woods, you shot out my eye

Said you didn’t try?

Mountie King’s fine hat

His red tunic and all that

Behaved like a Prat!

Morons and halfwits

Jibes for any occasion

We’ll miss you, Albert!

Norwegians dispatched,

Pencil lead through styrofoam

You wouldn’t, would you?

Poor Ruth Davenport

Severed head upon a man

Scuba diving’s off!

Bringing you coffee

She entreats you, let her see



Once within, succumbs

To Evil unboxed, unleashed

unclothed she meets death

Le serpent mal, Jean,

Mefiez-vous de sa lame vite

Il crache des mensonges


(The evil snake, Jean,

Beware of his swift blade,

He spits lies)

A joyless coupling

Bodies writhing, souls absent

4 3 0 and lost.

Starting positions

Eyes locked, tensed, ready to go

Fly against hornet.


The deck is stacked high

Game won before it begins

Starting positions

My Lady’s Slipper

Since I have none of my own,

Tell me your stories.

We got a phone here

Yeah, It’s got a little ring.

Hear me, J Edgar?

Little Nicky steers,

Wheels rotate through empty air,

Look out, Uncle Dick!

Love the Sheriff so,

You can’t help but hurt him though,

Cats scratch their saviours

A boy hate conceived,

Damned to rip and roar and want

Until he burns up

He sold me a glove,

Told me about destiny

I said, “Right, Guv’nor!”

Endless Purple Waves

Tidal pull of memories

beneath this fortress

Nowhere else to go,

Pink lady always on show,

In your heart, she’ll grow

Head to furry head

A brief taste of llama breath

Then back to business.

Ill place to stand,

Fred Truax by the staircase

Can’t dodge The true axe!

You’re a whole damn town

Wondrous heart without limit

Tuned to the pure light

Norma’s Double R

Where pies must go when they die,

But what else to try?


Half decent omelettes

The loudest jukebox in town

Seats that spin around


Jailbirds pinch your gear

Blood brother waits to bring fear

And watch for pitch gum!


Norma does the books,

Shelley pours, Heidi giggles

None speak of Annie!

Laughed off your bullets

Ray Monroe, He comes for you

Certain as the dusk

Bough, branch, bark, leaf, twig

All make the deep woods alive

Owls, though, make them see

Wherever you’re from

You’re my boy and I love you

Now get up that rock!

Silent drape runners

Thoroughly greased all along

We’ll be millionaires.

Paint those suckers gold,

Give them means to liberate

The downtrodden hordes

Selling shoes by day,

Hunting my old friend by night,

It’s hard with one arm!

You can say his name,

Say BOB made you a killer

Scream it to heaven,


You did this low deed,

So dance ‘til your hair turns white

She’ll never come back

Bewick’s wren so calm

Watching all that passes by

Such things you’ve witnessed.


Rush through oil that moves futures

Leaving hope behind

Sheets wrapped around her

Asking you, “Don’t you like me?”

Needs or wants, Cooper?

A Native headdress

Count the feathers while you stare

Answers never come.

Raise that sword aloft

Chomp a cigar and cry out:

Pickett’s mighty charge.

Descend to darkness,

Cave of magic and wonder

Much may be revealed


Scared off Denver Bob,

But others of sterner stuff

Unveil plans within.

Dashing pugilist

No fan of belligerence

Where did you go, Chet?

A man of wisdom

With a living map to share

Not about bunnies!

Hey, football hero,

You and the trucker’s wife, huh?

She’ll make you see Red.

Neither breath nor thought

No pause for contemplation

Straight to 315.

John Justice Wheeler

Lover of a fine sweater

Speaker of hard truths

Terror bleeds away,

A master of disguises

But none shield his soul

Tell me, did you hear

Laura’s scream in the forest

Emptiness after.

Swinging overhead

Deals in action and stillness

Red to green and back

Grab your hat and coat

A body’s been discovered.

Can it still be true?


She’s a caution, isn’t she?

The boss’ sister


Keep mink oil away

For always those claws are sharp

Just ask Little Elvis

You’ve never stocked it

That quirky turkey jerky

Is it for the men?

Oh that fine sandwich

Baguette with Brie and butter

Sniff it, savour it.

Celebrate his fate

Spin around and blow kazoos

Embrace each other


Just watch his head

Lest it slump to just desserts

Hat, shades and all.

My husband’s jaguar

Fix it up and maybe more

God, your judgement’s poor.

Ring of jade and gold

Bending hearts that you behold

Mystery of old

By the gazebo

A girl who looked like Laura

Then pain and darkness

Colonel Milford’s wife

Was she paid to end his life?

Speculation’s rife

Tied up, left to burn

Oh, Fortune’s wheel, won’t you turn

Round in this dark mill

Richard speaks out

There’s no other wine but this

Bandage soaked in red

Airplane slam’s not on

No gold for crippling people

Second, what a drag

A gift from Josie

Reminds you of old movies,

So you shout, Banzai!

Judy, Utukku

Escaped from the underworld

Whose face do you wear?

Hold in the button,

Share some thoughts, your innermost,

She’ll always listen

Find The Yellow Book

an answer to the saucers

Keep an open mind.

Just words on a page

Why does the doctor stumble?

Why so difficult?


Is it the details?

The cruelty that brings on tears?

Or is it the waste?


The words cut deeply

Because he delivered her

Delivered Laura


He brought her to life

And wasn’t there at her end

Powerless, he reads.

Sawmill River Lodge

Finest hotel in Twin Peaks

Conflagration time!

A shirt soaked in blood

Hide it quick before he comes

Leo’s been naughty


He likes his house clean

It’s well worth the violence

To be in control

Standing by the falls

A clean place, reasonably priced

Warm milk by the glass

A weeping clown’s face

Sentinels this great diner

Hap’s, for fine cuisine

Loathing breathed you out

Set you loose among us all

To fell your victims

Snowshoe, cottontail

It’s not about the bunnies

Even chocolate ones!

See the white stallion

Feel the milk drag you downwards

Know you’re complicit

Make your final choice

Full blossom of the evening

It’s what you favour

The professor sweats

Risks a shock with every drip

Go get ‘em Ernie

Dirty bearded men

Feel them reach inside your brain

Squeeze like Beast Rabban

Prudence in your mask

Fend off familial hands

Fight the sick feeling.

There’s a darkness there

That of stories seldom told

The woods hold so much

Coach Bobo Hobson

Did the business with his team,

Bookhouse boys kicked ass!

Jade and Emerald

Two gems who will invite you

To see Montana

Candles ring the dirt

Welcome to the killer’s lair

Come in, make a wish

The scent of Blue Rose

Overwhelming, alluring

Tammy joins the hunt.

You wait for parole

Vehicular Manslaughter

All part of the plan

As I live and breathe

Mibbler moves at a snail’s pace

Fetching you your key!

Bright girl, all straight A’s

Advantages, privilege

Future all laid out


But betray your friend

Before she’s cold in the ground

Donna’s pain won’t end


She’ll search for answers

Through loyalty and blind duty

But true love will leave


He’ll take the high road

When friends die and things go south

Leave her all alone


No more bright future

Just Questions of parentage

Scars that never heal


Cut off in New York,

She’s a looker, a success

Until a meeting


A face from the past

Sends her reeling to the edge

Until she finds Will.

The vile mouth chuckles

Spitting out its loathsome tale

You can’t look away

One one nine she says

Purgatorial mantra

That brings her no peace

Stuff that face elsewhere!

Can’t eat your lunch in here, Chad

This room’s for meetings.

Your eyes can’t unsee

The horror of the train car

Though your mind runs away

Leo advances

Thinks you won’t pull the trigger

But you’ve had enough

Breakfast order up

Watch her sashay into view

Grapefruits freshly squeezed

The face you will see

Will shift from loving uncle

To a mask of death


You’ll try to escape

You’ll scream and cry to live on

But fate will take you


It was determined

The minute he saw your face

Maddie dies tonight

A chance glance reveals

Chickadee on a Dodge Dart

Not a finch, Harry!

Notes on fly catching:

Household electronics?

Excellent cudgels!

Go on, says Pinkle

It’s a fan of your cologne

Kiss the rodent, Dick!

Pillow pressing hard

Steals breath from the landed trout

While taped hand shudders

Queer Street’s where you’ll be

Searching for lost incisors

So play nice, Albert!

Two ledgers, a pig

One smoked, but which will be burnt.

Brothers’ dilemma

The year is unknown

But a dark-haired cousin walks

Where once she did not


Who else changes place?

Poor Teresa still lies cold

While others are saved.


Is it the right door?

You are far away in time

And all is shattered.

The policeman’s dream

Chocolate, jelly or frosted

Mynah bird topping

No hanging around

Thinking of those old cases

Time to get to work

Dress in your best gown

Glass of water; sheet spread round

Pills to pull you down

A crack and you know

Though you shut out what you saw

You can’t stay the sound


It rips through your heart

Screams your baby is taken

Leaving you standing


Surrounded, alone

Callous engine roar recedes

Then silence of truth


Silence of judgement

From the concerned, yet relieved

Relieved they’re not you


The games you have played

Have now ended forever

Life’s intersection


Green to endless red

All joy and meaning stolen

And no-one to help


‘Til a wrinkled hand

Reaching outward to connect

And hope is kindled

With scent of burnt oil

A ring of sycamores stand

Watchers at the gate

A brutal hitman

You Put the pick in here, Ike

In and out, real neat.

Follow the lodge light

Hit the jackpot without fail

Hobo on your trail.

Trussed up, painted toes

Dressing gown and vacuum sound

Blindfolded Battis

A message within

The vast pages of numbers,

From where does it come


Distant galaxies?

That’s what the Major reports.

It comes from the woods


A warning of owls

their duplicitous nature

And your name below.

Stranger in your bed

Speaking of things not yet come

Though somehow long done.


Cooper’s queen of hearts

Brings a message to Laura

Then leaves without trace

A Parking dispute

Quickly spins out of control

Suburban warfare.

Finger sandwiches

Sustenance when needed most

Platters from the girls.

Watching the glass box

part time job for one young man

But who pays the bills?

Cornered, no options

You search around for handholds

No friendly faces


Your web of deceit

Has finally strangled you

Last breath stutters through


The ones you have hurt

Are unable to save you

You’re part of the furniture.

Used up by the Hornes

This madam seeks out revenge

But allies with snakes




Fix your hearts or die

A message to those who hate

One leg at a time.

Head for the rest rooms

To gather a new sample?

Look where you’re going.


If perchance you don’t

And foul play is suspected

Things could get messy

Taken off the air

Skulls split with terrible force

Clear for the message

Running through the woods

Assaulted by one’s own foot

Next stop: Wyoming

In Reno’s bright lights

A handsome pair tied the knot

Becky close behind


They loved for a while

Smouldering intensity

But parted in time


Bobby and Shelley

The couple we hoped would last

We can wish it still

Horace Vandersant

The Dutchman who built a lodge

Neither here nor there


Montana landmark

Now just dust by the highway

And yet so alive


A place to meet the lost

Place to conjure your answers

And watch the sparks fly.

Maddie’s cherry coke

untouched as she steals away

Waste of two dollars.

Make another you

Mould it from a single hair

A living tulpa


To be your stand in

To do your dirtiest work

To be a father

Carrie, the dreamer

live a life that never was

Until he finds you.

Constant car trouble

And An infectious giggle

Heidi: latecomer

Two rounds in the chest

Kick from the shotgun remains

His finger spasms


Single shot goes off

Hits the floor then he follows

He was told to stop


I told him to freeze

That’s what my report details

That’s what I told Dad


That day in the bank

Stopped a heart and someone’s life

My first duty kill


Then there are flowers

Jelly Donuts delivered

And I move forward

Cousins aplenty

In this wide world of Twin Peaks

None are as they seem.

Carved into the wall

Buried beneath wallpaper

Old, forgotten name

No shout or whisper

But it resides in our house

Listen to silence

The other one comes

No doorbell announces him

No knock at the door

It’s late to go out

And you’re feeling so sleepy

Take account of that

The books on the shelf

Are the favourites of lawmen

For times of repose

Her name’s not Hester

And though her story’s half-baked

She’ll show her talents

After fleeing court

Laying low in Mexico

James was short on dough


Fixed a gangster’s car

Judgement again below par

Trouble was in store

See the children stand

Bathed in light and then they’re gone

Alone in daylight

Stalking the office

A monster with pick in hand

Murder on his mind

Sunset boulevard

Unlocks the person within

Contained no longer

Above the tree line

Lives a race of noisy men

They’re all Icelanders!

Ash to the filter

Lion rips flesh from the bone

On endless repeat

Glastonbury Grove

But isn’t that in England?

Exchange knowing looks

Black smoke in your lungs

Makes it difficult to breathe

And no sign of her

Seeing your beauty

Can unlock the ear canals

And set socks ablaze

Tears by a train car

Picturing horrors within

Evil that men do

It’s plain ominous

So turn the lights on Tammy

And read of Hell Gate


Children disappear

As mother claims her tribute

In the desert night

A man without legs

Sits and laughs in his green chair

You can’t run from it

Hopes she is the one

Shows restraint though fire burns

Until she gives in


With gasoline smell

They drive into each othe

The bull by the horn

Detection of crimes

Is changes in behaviour

The little mistakes

Pretty distraction

His gaze on her sees her die

Training reveals all

A new recorder

And a first assignment calls

A Special Agent

All that paperwork

Necessitates assistance

So enter Diane


She’s experienced

And seems a duality

That’s of interest

Found chained to a tree

The kidnapped child is rescued

Chris Roe safe once more


Cooper’s first big win

Brings no sense of victory

Just sadness within

Widowed by design

No escape from men’s desire

Only the black veil

Seattle shopping

It soothes Josie’s troubled heart

But the bill is due

Mike. He is the man

But he can be body slammed

By the right lady!

An archivist’s note

Time to comment on the facts

Maybe speculate?


He wears the number and waits

Condemned to the knife

Don’t come a-knockin!

When you see his jet rockin’

Just wait there, like Pete.

He’s here to collect

Dot the i’s and cross the t’s

But Catherine’s not sure

The view from inside

Is distorted and fractured

The veil of my death

Shut down all radar

It messes up their systems

What do they offer?

Little Audrey Horne

Laid up in the hospital

Easy prey for him

Giant, little man

The circle of trees beyond

A four and an H


From under the ground

The map to the lodge is found

Fear and love its keys

Maddy never left

She stayed on with her cousin

Underneath the grass

Those geese; they’re flying

Leo advances

Shelley isn’t there


He raises the axe

Are we clear Shelley’s not there?

Death is imminent


Bang, at the window

A bullet pierces Leo

Shelley: not present!

They live underground

Hear your thoughts and interfere

The Lemurians

On Lancelot Court

Stands a house with a red door

A promise of love.

Lost vicuña threads

Tying her to the shooting

The case is sewn up

A porcelain mask

Rests softly on The pillow

Ghostly eyes glowing


Holding memories

The soft contours of her face

The pain of lost love

Murder in her eyes

And a loaded gun in hand

Steven better run

He saw the Major

A few steps beyond the fence

Now he brings them back


A shadow is within

Creeping around as they search

Ready to crush him.

Cruising down the strip

And into sun baked desert

To meet the brothers


Certain death awaits

But for contents of a dream

And those of a box


Sweet cherries and crust

Stay executioner’s hand

Now reach for a fork

A beautiful dream

Or a horrible nightmare

Can a girl have both?

That house at Pearl Lakes

Where everything went so wrong

It stands disused now

Don’t disturb the man

Never before nine am

Unless your name’s Chet

They smell something off

Marjorie Green and Armstrong

But what’s the address?

Am I free to go

Cause Chip? He ain’t got no phone

That’s Barney’s brother.

Taking him away?

But the Morgans are coming

What about dinner?

It’s a world of strange

And anything can happen

As the music plays

Typing, listening

To Mike and Bobby’s intrigue

But they’re onto you

Through South Dakota

Tammy suffers in the car

Damn motion sickness!

Who’s Mister Strawberry?

Secret you’re desperate to keep

No one else can know!

Face in the mirror

Evil you hoped to defeat

Now pulls all your strings

Torchlight among trees

Hawk searches for any sign

Of the lost agent

Each day without fail

Treat yourself just once he says

Feel the benefits

Looking for Waldo,

Not as easy as you’d think

They need more coffee.

A dimly lit room

And malevolence within

From a small grey shape


Just smoke and mirrors?

Why won’t the unease subside

The fear it conjures

Lock up the garage

Hand over the keys to Coop

Then get your face rubbed

You bad girl Tracey

What is it you really want

Did some one send you?


Were you innocent

Just there for an attraction

Or was it deeper

Not what you ordered

But be open to new things

Like green tea latte


One sip won’t convince

But try again and you’ll see

How good change can be

Jeffries has questions

Who do you think this is there?

They couldn’t have known

Cooper’s dog tired

Like experiments they did

But his night’s not done

Sitting behind glass

But he’s with you in the room

The darkest feeling


Face of weathered stone

That cracks on recognition

Of concerned old friends


Is it genuine?

Eyes fill you with doubt and fear

And something much worse


Hollowed container

Once filled with a hero’s soul

Carries now echoes


Echoes of recall

Fragments of knowledge mixed up

Corrupted data


You pity this man

Whose dark eyes reach into you

For he is elsewhere


Words escape his mouth

Like it’s ne’er before been used

A stilted, flat voice


Repeated phrases

Requesting release from you

But there will be none


Bring the curtain down

Banish the sight of this thing

Thankful for the glass

There’s tea and biscuits

But never until you’re asked

The fish aren’t running.

On Blue Pine Mountain

The military are at work

Searching for voices

Eckhardt’s last surprise

Lies waiting inside the box

Too tempting to pass

Yes, Norma and Ed

They finally tied the knot

Love at last won out

For five nights a week

He rants from the mountaintop

They’re at it again.

Harry ne’er gave up

The search for his missing friend

He holds on to hope

Under the trailer

Touch the ring; a simple thing

Then on to darkness

Custom eyeglasses

Optical integration

Purple reality

Ernie died alone

A sad end but no surprise

In the waiting room


Ashes float away

Scattered on the windswept bay

With no friend to see

She was never there

Time is rewriting itself

With Laura present


She exists somewhere

Since wandering off that night

This is the new now.

Scouting the whole world

Investment is what he craves

And parties, and food

Laura’s empty chair

Classmates contemplate the space

Room to speculate

It doesn’t take much

To rekindle old passions

Just a photograph


To put you back there

In the throes of your first love

But what did you know


The girl was broken

Beyond your understanding

You, nought but a child


Your tears made her laugh

Your innocence she fed on

Your love didn’t help


And then she was gone

This girl you loved and hated

Dead, with you suspect


You raged at the town

Invited them all to share

Your own hidden guilt


That you couldn’t help

You didn’t even know to

Wouldn’t have changed her


You played at rebel

Dipped your toes in rough waters

But never dived in


For grounding you’d had

Two examples to follow

Never far away


The stalwart Betty

And the flier, the Major

Who dreamed your success


And in time you saw

That your life could be worth more

Despite losing her


You became a man

Took an oath and wore a star

Found love once again


Life’s disappointments

They came and they went in turn

Left dents in your shield


No happy marriage

Nor Jack Rabbit’s soothing tones

Just a strange numbness


Waiting for purpose

Poised to contribute your piece

When the stars aligned


It didn’t take much

To provide inspiration

Just a photograph


The curl of her hair

A winding road to travel

Back to youth’s hideout


Her eyes a caution

A reprimand for slowness

In finding your feet


Full lips that you knew

Now whisper encouragement

For journeys ahead


So wake up, Bobby

Win back your wife and your child

With love from she who once died

Lost in the forest

Leo finds sanctuary

His host: a question

Piece by deadly piece

The game beyond black and white

Two souls the ante.

Somewhere near Spokane

At 8:38 she speaks

Addressing the wind.


The girl he forgot

Left to waste away in time

Feeling simply fine

Shopping completed

But Pete missed one vital thing

forgot the weiners.

He copies your speech

Drives you beyond all madness

Does no one else hear?

A song of longing

From a captivating voice

The Roadhouse entranced

A den of vices

For indulging all pleasures

But tread carefully.

Caught between two loves

With a baby yet to come

Who will Lucy choose?

Staring straight ahead

Fit subject for awed vigil

Pistol raised aloft

Look around the door

He’s there by the chest of drawers

Tearing at your thoughts

Impress the judges

Win yourself a scholarship

Our new Miss Twin Peaks

Renowned food critic

Shrouded in great mystery

Always pays in cash

Sid’ll set us up

Black Yukon suckerpunchers

They creep up on you!

Study your hand, kid

Don’t let the pressure get you

Just follow the coin.

Fire in his glass eyes

A dark passion for Josie

Burns within Thomas

Promised a party

Lured in to serve dark purpose

Just a helpless pawn

The gum you favour

It will return to fashion

When all is revealed

Dickie and Dougie

Conspiratorial chat

They’re watching the skies

Brandish the sand wedge

Advance on a helpless Coop

Away just in time.

Scream becomes a roar

Calls my name; tries to enter

My dream, same as Mom’s

A Cub Scout backpack

Big tape recorder stuffed inside

Young Dale’s on the case

Asthma attack comes

Young Cooper floats to darkness

Until breath returns


Mother rubs his chest

And tells of the strangest dreams

Birds filling the sky

Marie in the window

Swaying gently back and forth

What are my feelings?

Route 487

Cooper’s first taste of coffee

At The Post and Beam

Two vital questions

Engaging Good and evil

The pursuit of love

False transparency

Glass box dense with summoned souls

Clear to inky black

She died from her wounds

Betty, who dreamed she was free

I felt the beast there.

Over furniture

Inevitable Advance

Towards your terror


The mask of your fears

Stares and Comes ever closer

Filling your vision

He’s flicking matches

Scaring the boy with strange rhymes

Beckoning him on

Clean your fingernails

There’s dirt way down underneath

Do as father says

School is out today

Homecoming queen’s gone away

Naught left but pictures

The wrong Dougie Jones

Kids screaming in the office

Nice work, detectives!

A foreign object

Tear the fingernail to see

A lone printed T

Around the circle

Conversation is drowned out

As the bottle goes


The pounding rhythm

Makes you lose yourself in pink

‘Til you see her lost.

Two stalwarts share time

One brings horrific tidings

Grandchild’s felonies

Prisoner or wife

Wants to leave but bound to stay

Lethe’s curse on Audrey

Picture on your wall

Doorway to the undreamed halls

Always sits ajar

Never sell your blood

While kind souls like Carl are here

He’ll steer you all right

Share stories in booths

Talk of people no one knows

Maybe scratch an itch

Pull the lever down

Watch the lucky sevens stick

Then hellooo-oooo-oooo

How are you today?

Richard’s coming to visit

No one’s safe from him

Playing for stalemate

Will only make him angry

He knows what you love

A father’s vision

Pure as marble, filled with love

A son’s bright future

You’re raisin’ a kid?

You gotta have a gym set

That’s fundamental

Spinning ever on

Blades slice air thick with sorrow

In a cursed house.

We don’t got specials

We don’t stand for no toe heads

This is Hap’s Mister.

Across this ocean

Senorita Dido waits

Breathes love throughout time

See Dougie like new

Trim physique that stirs feelings

Ideas for the night.

Betty keeps vigil

Sits late; prays he’ll reappear

Waiting for Garland

They each hold a key

Mutually assured ruin

But who will blink first

The cheque for Leo

Falls short of expectations

How will Shelly cope?

Objects of value

Twisted Hair shows us them all

Including a ring

A detonation

Delve within vast, growing cloud

To see evil born

Creeping hand winds round

Grabs her by her slender neck

Makes Josie submit

Cooper and Margaret

Each Crack nuts in the Roadhouse

List’ning to the sounds


James litters the place

And he barely sips his coke

Then Donna breaks down


They all sense sadness

As Julie sings of the world

What has come to pass?

Face at the window

A scary repetition

Have you gotta light?

A sickly figure

Rises up with eyes of pain

Vomit trickling Down

The killer unmasked

Harry struggles to believe

In evil so close


Detached from its host

The vile spirit scrambles on

To find another

Gathered at the bar

To see horrid truth laid bare

As lightning flashes


Over quick as that

Laura’s message heard at last

Coop raises a thumb

A thousand golf balls

Litter the scene of the crime

All traces wiped clean

Feathers fly around

Settling as the rage subsides

Trapped in a soft cell

A living novel

In which people bare their souls

Harold hears and dreams

Hold the green butt skunk

Dangling by a slender thread

Friendship through all things

Home from a hard day

Someone’s parked over your drive

Break out the Uzi!

Behind red curtains

Lies a world of black and white

Fear and love decide

The broken circle

Daddy bought me a pony

Still too young to ride.

Whispered gentle things

In a dream he climbed inside

I floated away

Smoking in the dark

Cradled by a Douglas fir

Owls reading my thoughts


I think of what’s raw

Of how she covered it up

How I’ll be different.

Rick and Josh and me

In the stream with soft, slow thoughts

Acting out desires

Owls are sometimes big

Margaret tells me this and more

Clear yet confusing


I am beautiful

Many people will love me

I’ve nothing for her

Trying not to fear

Sliding over pine needles

The old me is gone

He grabs my shoulders

Then Asks me my name and laughs

And then he hurts me

Leland has returned

He’s ready to sing and dance

With the brothers Horne

Louise Dumbrowski

Swings a torch for the Horne boys

They are enraptured

Mike Nelson’s great buns

Nadine’s got a heavy crush

600 pounds worth.

A cigarette break

Gordon so rarely partakes

Tammy disapproves

Flickering pictures

Break ground on a new hotel

Such a happy time


Mother looks so young

Held in that scene forever

For a son’s last kiss

At the pinnacle

Watching an empire crumble

A proud white fox, stuffed

Rockets and magic

Parsons paved the way for both

Transcend all limits

Sharing a cold beer

With the car fixed good as new

Then a stolen kiss

All the boys are there

Listening to Lana’s tales

Hanging on her words

The Blue Rose Task Force

Solving the strangest of crimes

Or losing themselves

Time closes all tales

So we say goodnight, Margaret

May lights guide your way.

Take Capablanca

He wasn’t a stalemate guy

He could still help though

County museum

Dollar fifty donation

You can get coffee

A pretty waitress

With a gun strapped to her thigh

Or is it his thigh?

Dorritt home for boys

The place to investigate

Nickys heritage

Clown laughs on the bed

Leo is nowhere in sight

The lion is loose.

Planting the herald

of his next dastardly move

Windom’s playing Zeus

They didn’t print it

Young Andrews’s complete account

They left some things out.

Sing her a love song

Hold her hand no matter what

Which Nadine will wake?

A male cadaver

Coop watches the brain unveiled

Like egg in a shell


Wonder at the mind

Catch the odour of charred bone

The human machine

Gordon had a dream

With the gorgeous Monica

But whose dream was it?

Harry, Coop, Will, Hawk

Each joins the other’s profile

On a woodland quest

That last killing spree

Left a demon’s mark on me

Beyond ink and blood


Familiar and I

Walked free of suspicion’s eye

Then came reckoning


Memory returned

All chances at life I’d spurned

To kill at his side


From behind pale light

A vision appeared of right

Set my path anew


But what of the mark

Awful contract with the dark

Surely no release


A way then was cleared

To be from me rightly sheared

That ominous stain


Steadfast in resolve

With blade my sins to absolve

I lived victims’ pain


The arm once severed

Took on life it’s own, quivered

In evolution


Sprouted a body

Danced to silent rhapsody

Then bid me farewell


I knew then my crime

In these woods I’d wasted time

Partner gone away


To feed on suff’ring

Of those fate to him would bring

For greedy pleasures


My purpose was here

To hunt him down, far or near

Put an end to fear

Just a little tap

That’s all he gave the geezer

His boat was mangled

Poor Bernard Renault

The mule with the longest hike

Only death awaits

Cooper and Truman

Together facing down foes

Stuffing down donuts

Rat inches closer

Enormous, and I can’t move

Nothing I can do


Close my eyes and think

Feel its jaws break through my skin

And it’s all my fault


It frightens me so

Because it’s a punishment

But I won’t let it


If I’m to be hurt

I’ll do the hurting myself

So he can’t taste me

Her dreams are so pure

I don’t dare tell her my own

She can never know

Hike to the cabin

Fear still fresh as the night air

Having done my dance


I mesmerised them

Gave them more than they could take

Saved myself for now

Looks like Jupiter

And met the same violent end

Time’s made me killer


She’s so forgiving

This little girl so like me

From another life

Who misses daydreams

No one until they vanish

Until there’s no hope


Sweet sixteen is gone

Youth perverted; turned sour

No love at the door


When there are no dreams

Things you hate and fear creep in

Fill the space they left


Until you’re hollow

Someone else’s dirty cup

Filled with bitter brew

My beautiful Troy

Leg broken down by the tracks

His freedom a lie


I tried to do good

Now two bullets in his skull

And he’s free of me.

Dad at the table

Twitching and ignoring me

Was someone inside

Static charges shock

Wake you from the peaceful dream

No more ‘til next week

Pretty butterfly

Drawn by the lit cigarette

Seeks out excitement


This delicate thing

Sits next to the rattlesnake

Surprised when it bites


Squirming to escape

Its jaws draw near and spit threats

While others look on


Will she be taken

Will he impose his sick will

The Roadhouse decides

Lightning splits the firs

Then to our intrepid Scout

A giant appears

Terabytes of film

Years-long record of the box

Constant watchfulness


Nothing to observe

But a cube of weightless air

Until she breaks through

Learning Norwegian

Is fun in the Palmer house

But where’s Leland’s axe?

Buttons unfastened

Cold barrel against her chest

Chewing gum can wait!

Driver; passenger

Together fixed in resolve

Here to cross over


What to discover

In what stream to be adrift

Richard and Linda

Mystery woman

Whispers secrets in your ear

So hard to recall


Her face is heaven

With a pure light shining through

Despite all her pain

Confused by the fork?

It’s the European way

Dick knows things like this

In the woodsmen come

Smear the blood upon its face

Rub it back to life

Incredible roasted

Ginger garlic marinade

Little Pine weasels

Since the beginning

They have left their marks on us

For good or for ill

The owls remind us

To gaze on inky blackness

Pull back the curtain

It’s lonely in herel

Metal walls echo my voice

Returning no warmth


I’ll not be maudlin

Though my high-born line is through

For once I was King


My motion. In time

The paths I chose to wander

Brought me to this end


While Cooper walks free

Or whoever wears his face

I merely linger


Oh, I walked the path

Fought for justice in this world

After a fashion


I saw the dark side

Solved the unconventional

Cases that stood out


My partner and I

Saw odd flowers come to bloom

Wonderful yet strange


But behind the glow

The beauty that lives always

Lay a rancid dark


A power so old

More ancient even than time

Strove to dout our light


I can’t speak of her

The female side of darkness

Nor utter her name


For seeking her out

Led to my situation

Present confinement


From Buenos Aires

I tracked her across the globe

Through fire and pain


Sat with her creatures

Above a convenience store

Soaked in their malice


Though I found a way

To visit with my colleagues

My faith was wasted


But I had all time

All it’s pathways to explore

Or so I surmised


Yet each jump costs much

A bill that came due for me

Without a warning


So to the Dutchman’s

I was brought and here confined

Myself a Blue Rose

Where is Audrey Horne

Salon closed, nowhere in sight

Is Charlie the cause?


There must be reasons

For her long, deep seclusion

Look in the mirror

A secret smoker

By locker or toilet stall

One drag then she’s gone

Crawl across the floor

Ignored by those around you

Scream for his release

On Lancelot Court

The house with the red door awaits

A happy return


From a single hair

A father newly crafted

And with them once more

Auto thieves beware

Rancho Rosa cars go boom

They’ll find you in bits

On the open road

Rides a man and his shadow

Just not in the dark

Jump on the casket

Follow her down to the depths

And the, up again!

The players are set

Secret known only to two

Tragedy awaits


It is among them

Concealed in a warm body

But the game is up


Cast into a cell

The spirit’s rage is unbound

Done with it’s vessel


Smoke drifts upwards now

From Tremayne’s lit cigarette

Tickles the sensors


Brings the water

Conduit through which it flees

The thing that ruled him


Leaving a dark void

A dam burst of memories

Flooding inwards now


Memories of fear

A daughter’s terror of him

From which he can’t hide


It’s all he can take

So he rushes to his end

But the lodge awaits


No daughter’s embrace

No forgiveness or closure

Just the waiting room

Seeing the baby

Cradled tight in Lucy’s arms

Lights out for Andy

The face that I see

Mirror mirror on the wall

not the face of me

Through her soft pillow

White hot lead rushes to her

To end the struggle

Torchlit sycamores

His captive queen utters prayers

Help will be too late

Pieces of metal

Hidden in a cornflakes box

Given up in faith

The evidence gone

No proof to give stories weight

Tall tales are shot down

Something strikes a chord

Unlocks the agent within

Sunset Boulevard


A name from the past

Reaches out and sets him free

Get me Gordon Cole.

They said their goodbyes

And she knew what was to come

The fire took him


No wedding night bliss

Just a suitcase by the door

And on with her work


Heart of the forest

Took Margaret’s husband away

A log in his place.

It’s time for coffee

Don’t go ‘til he’s tasted it

Wait for the verdict

Audrey is saved by

Pete’s selfless heroic act

Banknotes in the air

Principal Wolczak

A difficult message looms

How the tears will flow

Imperfect courage

Worse than no courage at all

From there deep fears breed


Turbulent oceans

In which fierce currents take you

And remove all hope

Swirling above you

Gateway to another place

A place of darkness

Two planets will meet

Unlocking secret doorways

To ancient places

Tougher than the rest

With kindness and decency

He’s Battling Bud

Unprepared loan sharks?

The ninety-nine percent-ers

Won’t take it from them

We’re gassin’ it up

Headed for Spokane, Washington

It’s what Dougie needs.

Laura is the one

Her spirit clings on so tight

Reaches across time.

Upright Autumn bird

Made by the lace butterfly

Born to wreak havoc

Guarding the front door

A simple task, one might think

But oh she struggles


Retention of staff

Is a persistent worry

They’re all truck drivers!


They can’t handle it

Buella bemoans their failings

It’s embarrassing

Face in the machine

Sucked through the void between worlds

Shoes lost in transit

The key in your hand

Unlocks the unexpected

Time to cross over

Lost his hand in woods

Tried to lead you out in vain

Now he’s lost as well

Your resume sucks

Not enough for Mike Nelson

Go hunt jobs elsewhere.

Trembling as she walks

Traversing the weathered bridge

Frigid dawn pierces

Can’t call her a girl

A woman like Beverly

She has a secret

Follow the ringing

Does it come from walls themselves

Wood panels singing


Or is it a voice

Some soul cruelly trapped within

Crying out in vain

Anthony Sinclair

Whether he knows it or not

Dougie’s found him out.

In the cell he sits

A charcoal smudge of a man

Face twisted in pain

Lost in the darkness

No voice to warn or counsel

Tied to the vessel

Battered and broken

Left to wander in darkness

Twine around your wrists


Deep impressions made

Lines cut of encircling pain

Angry purple scars


Beneath your torn clothes

A shivering frame walks on

Dried blood clings and pulls


You’re not the prom queen

You’ve no worthy sacrifice

Nor a martyrdom


Just cast to one side

On feet cut by forest floor

To find a way home


He didn’t want you

You’re just along for the ride

A sick afterthought


What it is to be

Swept up in catastrophe

And then abandoned


Once you were new girl

Now a monster used you up

Only sleep will heal


But scars will live on

Ones outside and those within

That senses bring forth


Because you’re alive

The town won’t know your name

You’re not their Laura


Another victim

Not worth even a first name

Just the Pulaski girl

State prosecutor

Who can’t keep track of his badge

He’d fit in at Hap’s


He’s not interested

In Norma’s fancy specials

Just bring him some fries.

What’s behind the mask?

Yawning darkness and those teeth

But don’t look too deep.

Everlasting love

No matter how tough things are

That’s Ed and Norma

Lights cut through the night

Drums announce him as he comes

Mister C is here

Lieutenants fly coach

No matter how important

Go find the major!


Wow, you made it all the way. Well done and thank you!


And, if you want to see more of my Twin Peaks poetry, you can click the links below.

Lady of the Blue Rose – a poem

Are you still seeing this…? Some limericks

Shelly’s Tale – a poem

A Ditty for Donna

The Story of BOB – a sonnet

Palindrome for Dark Woods – a poem

The Battle of the Bob Bubble – a poem

Cinquains for Lucy, Audrey, Candie and others

The Lodge Palindrome – a poem

Two Coopers – Two Sonnets

A Sonnet for Laura Palmer

















10 thoughts on “What the Haiku! – The Complete Collection

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