I have fingernails. Real, actual fingernails. I’m so happy with myself right now. Even with a very stressful week last week, I’ve managed to stick to my guns and keep away from the biting. The skin around my thumb nails remains a little bit of a problem as I keep picking at it but I’m confident that I can get that sorted too. For some reason, I just started chewing away at the corner of my thumb in front of the TV last night. I wasn’t worried or anything and I wasn’t watching anything particularly harrowing.
Honestly, it’s such a weird feeling. It feels so strange to have them there; it’s like I press against things and I can feel that it’s the nail and not the finger if that makes sense. Also, I can run the nails underneath each other and that feels strange too.
Seriously, I can’t overplay just what a big deal this is for me. It’s something that I’ve been doing for over 35 years without a break or even any real consideration that I could stop. Now, I seem to have broken the cycle. I’m not going to say it’s all fixed but at least I’ve shown myself that it’s possible. Just need to fix the thumbs now.
This isn’t such a positive story, I’m afraid. I fell off the wagon with my special tea bags last week even though I was enjoying them. I just felt so tired and my body convinced my brain that I needed sugary tea. I also managed three days without a can of coke. Friday evening I had one as a reward for staying at school until 10pm for the Christmas Fayre (I also had chips in a pitta bread with salad – #rewards). I had a coke at the cinema on Saturday and a can on Sunday evening. It’s now Monday and I’ve managed another clean day. This is harder than the nails though, if I’m honest.
Thanks for reading