Ever had that thought? The one that wakes you in the middle of the night and won’t let you go?

Here’s my (kind of) poem about it. Doesn’t happen often but boy when it does!!

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That Thought

4am – that thought

4.10am – still there

Still there, next to me, taking the duvet.

5.03am – must have gone back to sleep.

5.07am – do I need the toilet?

Should I go? Then I’ll be really awake.

But I’m awake anyway,

And I’ll need the loo,

And worry about that too,

While I’m awake!

(Everything’s an exclamation mark,

Lying here in the dark.)

5.14am – still deciding on the loo,

5.15am – still deciding, best not

5.16am – still deciding – should really go,

5.18am – cold floor beneath each tiptoe,

Phone light swinging,

No creaks please,

Don’t wake the others, the ones at ease

More to feel guilty about, plenty of room to fit,

The thought and the thought in the thinking of it.

It’s been an hour and more, no good for my health,

And I’m kicking myself,

All that time gone, what a waste of the night’s last dying ember.

But I was asleep for some that I can’t remember,

Am I exaggerating?

Stick that on the list with the rest.

Always exaggerating and making things worse,

Told you a thousand times!

5.20am – back into bed with the thought,

Snuggled up tight with the thought,

5.21am – turn this way!

5.22am – turn that way!

5.22am – turn the pillow!

5.24am – turn on the radio!

Voices to quieten voices,

To drown out the thought.

But it’s still there, it won’t be taught,

A strong swimmer treading water,

Biding time.

5.39am – must have slept,

Now it’s back,

Refreshed from my sleep instead of me,

Voices from the radio not working, lost in the noise in my head.

Louder, louder,

What can I do?

Always, always,

Where can I drop,

The bags, the noise, the weight?

The weight that’s so heavy even balanced on the soft mattress.

Just noise, that’s all,

No substance, no reality.

All the future that’s not even here,

And won’t really come,

Not like I rehearse.

6.23am – alarm!

So tired,

I’ve fed the thought.

It’s supped on my sleep,

And it’s all my fault,

I let it.

I invited it.

It’s me.

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Thanks so much for reading. Have a lovely, undisturbed night’s sleep.

All the best

Richard